Grandmothers: The cultural pillars of society

Dinesh Patel and his grandmother Jamnaben Patel – Photo by: Dinesh Patel

With 27 March celebrating mothers across Britain, Mansi Vithlani delves into how immigrant grandmothers act as vital historians for keeping their cultural roots alive.

Growing up as a third generation migrant, the strongest connection with my past is through the relationship I have with my grandmother, Lalita Vithlani. As mentor of all things in south Asian culture, she passes down traditional recipes, fights to retain her mother tongue, and teaches the legends of our religious beliefs. Like many grandchildren living with their grandmothers, mine pioneers to keep her culture alive through me, whilst I navigate life in Britain.

Mother’s Day in the UK goes as far back as the 16th century, commemorated on the fourth Sunday of Lent. For many, it is now a novelty day of celebrating your mother.

“For me, my grandmother encompasses my mother, my father, my grandparents, my guide, my friend, my everything. She's a complete matriarch,” says 27-year-old Dinesh Patel.

For me, my grandmother encompasses my mother, my father, my grandparents, my guide, my friend, my everything. She's a complete matriarch.

Patel is a UK-based pastry chef who featured on Masterchef India. He has a close relationship with his grandmother, who has doted on him from a young age, affecting what Patel has gone on to achieve in his culinary career.

"I still use her flavour profiles and palettes in my recipe crafting today," he says.

Patel has a reverence of what happens throughout the Hindu calendar and would not be so in tune with his religion without his grandmother.

“I'm like a sponge and have picked up on everything along the way,” he says. “She sparked my interest with my religion from a very young age, and I would even consider myself quite a modern Hindu, and also religious at the same time.”

Dinesh Patel and his grandmother when he was a few months old – Photo by: Dinesh Patel

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Research into the importance of the grandparent-grandchild dichotomy in the UK, by StoryTerrace found that 42% of people said their grandmothers' stories had taught them so much about themselves.

Prianka Lakhani, 21, born and bred in Leicester, explains that her Ba (grandmother in Gujarati) has taught her the majority of her religious knowledge of Hinduism, merely from observing her.

“My Ba is like a second mother to me, because she's always lived with me,” she says. “I've never not lived in the same family home as her.”

Lakhani adds: “She will wake up when the sun rises to pray, and I've never really questioned it until I've gotten older.”

A particular tradition that Lakhani enjoys doing with her grandmother is making Ladva (or Ladoo – a wheat-based Gujarati sweet) every Diwali.

“She’s a presence in my life that I couldn’t function without. She's a fountain of knowledge and a link to my past, to my culture, and to my religion,” she says.

She's a presence in my life that I couldn't function without. She's a fountain of knowledge and a link to my past, to my culture, and to my religion.

Lakhani’s Ba in her garden - Photo by: Prianka Lakhani

Patel speaks of the important role of grandmothers amongst south Asian culture, where children often feel pressure from their ethnic parents regarding careers, marriage, and social life.

“Although your grandmother imbibes that sense of authority — it’s not so much about the pressures, which maybe parents feel for their children — it just comes from a place of pure love, which I think makes a quintessential difference,” he says.

It just comes from a place of pure love, which I think makes a quintessential difference.

Lakhani echoes this: “If my mum doesn’t know the answer, then my Ba will."

Lakhani explains that grandmothers have an infinite knowledge of culture, drawing on their individual experiences to preserve the part of them that they no longer have reach to, such as their birth home and ancestors and thus are a historical tool for grandchildren.

Both Lakhani and Patel have found that living with their grandmother has filled that cultural void, yet, according to StoryTerrace, 71% of people wish they knew more about their grandparents' lives as they only had vague descriptions of their experiences. This highlights the importance of maintaining ties with your grandchildren.

Patel explains the honour of living with his grandmother: “She's had that amazing migration in her life, without which we wouldn't have been here, or we wouldn't have had the opportunities that we have today. For me, that strength is really important to not emulate but take inspiration from.”